I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
