Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
