I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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