Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
