the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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