Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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