I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
