I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
