..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
