If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize