can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
