Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
