he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
