No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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