I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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