I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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