I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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