what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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