im about as happy as oj after his trial
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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