dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i would punch a child for taco bell
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
