I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
