I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
