Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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