'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
