May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
