He told me they were just razor bumps!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
