i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
