His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
