Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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