Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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