I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
