That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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