Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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