Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
should my penis look like a turkey
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
