it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
