Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
