i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
