Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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