I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
