Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
