I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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