You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
