Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
‪I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse. ‬
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
