He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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