I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Michael Bay diarrhea
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
