I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
