Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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