New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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