i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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