Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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