I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
