Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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