Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
