Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
