i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize