I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
