No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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