i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize