so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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