There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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