He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
