who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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