I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
What a dumb baby whore.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
