one might say we're banned from that church
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
