Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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