wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize