I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
