i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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