we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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