After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I party with great urgency now.
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