Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
