I think I died a long time ago.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
