Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
