someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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