dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
