She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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