I showed him my bush... on skype.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
