brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
FUCK WHALES
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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