I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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