Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
